This isn’t a suicide note.. its a call for help. Deep within me I feel im still here, the same little girl who laughed at funny noises and cried when she didn’t get her way.. the same girl who you’ve stayed up countless nights holding while I’ve coughed my little lungs dry. The same girl who you used to mindlessly say she hated you but really only hated the person she became. The same one you’ve known since 6th grade, yes, the same one you didn’t like at first but over time learned to love. Im still your daughter, I’m still your annoying, crazy, but very loyal older and younger sister. Overtime i’ve spent tedious hours digging myself into a hole to shelter myself from the shame and guilt I assumed I would have received from the only people who have helped me stay in transit through this tricky phenomenon we call life. Somewhere along the ride I found comfort in the things that appeared harmless from the outside but on the inside had enough strength shatter your soul like no other element could. I am extremely fortunate to have such a secure back bone. I’m not writing this to hurt you, only to save myself, for I feel if I continue down this dark road I may never see the light that only the tolerant have ever seen. My addiction has not only shredded my health mentally and physically but also tore apart the only thing that’s ever been consistent in my 19 years on this earth. and for that I hope you all forgive. I’m not saying this journey will be easy.. but I know if I were any of you I’d give anything in this world for you, the people I love to see and experience the blatant elegance of a sober life.